May 3^rd, 2000

"STINKBOMBS"

After seeing as many movies as I have in my lifetime it's easy to come to the conclusion that there's way more "bad" movies out there than there are "good". It's also easy to say that there's a whole slew of "mediocre" films in there too, but that's for another day.

This week's Grab Bag has to do with three movies that are horrible in almost every single way, but yet, they are instantly watchable and entertaining just because of that fact.

The Navy Vs. The Night Monsters [1965] is Mamie Van Doren's moment in the sun, actually it's just another in the string of laughably bad movies she's been involved in. In this one the American Navy is brought in to take-on some giant man-eating plants. Yeah, kind of like Day Of The Triffids only garage sale level.

Why's this one so priceless? Could be the script that has one character saying something and completely contradicting himself later, could be the amusingly cheap plant effects or maybe it's the stock footage finale that has a plane bombing the vegetables with chemicals. Can't forget how everything seems to be suspiciously navy blue in colour also.

Check it out - it's 60's cheese at its best.

Blood Freak [1971] is the ultimate "stinkbomb" movie. So bad, that it's just hilarious; this
Christian horror flick (yes, you read that right) has a motorbike riding Vietnam vet (who looks strangely like Elvis) meeting two sisters, one who's into her religion, the other her pot.

Well he ends-up smoking some reefer and getting a job at a poultry farm tasting experimental meat. This in turn makes him into a turkey headed monster that kills for blood.

Where else are you going to find a chain-smoking narrator, a scene that harkens back to Reefer Madness (the "one puff and you're a psychopath" moment), some extremely funny (as in lame) dialogue and that lovely turkey monster.

Killer Nerd [1991] is probably in my top five favourite guilty pleasures. And as it nears its tenth anniversary (be on the look-out for an article on this webpage soon) it's still one of the worst movies you're likely to see, but it's also the ultimate party movie.

Toby Radloff (who proclaims himself a real-life nerd and was a flash-in-the-pan on MTV way back) stars as a geeky office worker who goes over the edge and commits plentyful murder after all the teasing and putting down makes him snap.

Best to watch this in a group where you can appreciate Radloff's rotten performance, the shoestring production values and the many memorable moments (my friends and I just love the flower shop scene - "sounds resonable", the part where Radloff is imitating cat - going on all four haunches and all and the whole part where he dresses his mother like a baby and force feeds her Draino).

Just avoid the godawful sequel, Bride Of Killer Nerd.