You know, horror and animation just don't mix. Actually, let me re-phrase: live-action horror combined with animation doesn't mix, there's some perfectly fine animated horror stuff out there. I'm taking Who Framed Roger Rabbit? type stuff here, something that Fred Olen Ray couldn't pull off in 1990 with Evil Toons and something Joe Castro certainly can't pull-off in 2001 with Terror Toons.

Shot for a mere $2,300 over three days the most positive thing you could say about this is that at least they did the best they could with such a small amount of money, but to say that would make you have to turn a blind-eye at just how shabbily thought-out, slimly plotted, and outright unfunny the entire thing is.

The basic plot goes a little like this: Mom and dad are going away for the weekend leaving sisters Candy (Lizzie Borden, an obvious porn star and the worst actor in the movie) and Cindy (Beverly Lynn) behind. For some reason, director Castro decides that the Candy character needs a bathtub scene where she sings the "Rubber Duckie" song incorrectly before standing-up and toweling off some really unappealing implants - which just isn't cool since the character is either extremely retarded or they're trying to pass her off as a juvenile.

Anyways, back to the "story", after giving the usual promise of having no-one over the parents leave and Candy retires to her room with her brand-spanking new DVD, "Terror Toons" while Cindy and her friend decide to have a mini-party. So while Cindy her friend and a couple of guys they know decide to play "Strip Wegee" (yes, I realize I spelt it wrong, that's how it's spelt in the movie), Candy gets killed by Dr. Carnage (a green goblin-faced nutso doctor) and Max Assassin (a giant, lobotomized purple ape) who have jumped out of the cartoons (which, by-the-way, were directed by "The Devil" - a hint you might not want to watch it), and soon enough they're preying on the people in the other room.

From there it's tons of low-grade gore, attempts to be funny that fall miserably flat, villains that are just guys in masks with googely eyes, and a finale in which Lynn's character turns into a superhero in order to kick their demonic asses. Oh, and Satan (Jack Roberts) does show-up near the end to try and explain it all.

I should've known I was in trouble right from the get-go as the opening scene tries hard to establish a comic book flavour by having crudely hand drawn backgrounds and wacky sound effects. And a later scene with the childish-looking vulture cartoons squawking at the exposed intestines of a girl who's just been sawn in half didn't help either. I know exactly what the makers of this were going for and I commend them for trying it with such a small amount of cash but it doesn't work because none of the jokes they attempt work, the entire movie feels throwaway, and it's extremely hard to sit through. Terror Toons is just missing the witty sight gags using cartoons as a premise could've brought (not to mention any of the "terror" of the title) and apart from a fairly decent "hand puppet" scene this is a complete waste of effort. (Chris Hartley, 9/6/05)

Directed By: Joe Castro.
Written By: Rudy Balli.

Starring: Beverly Lynn, Lizzie Borden, Matty Moo, Scott Barrows.